Labrador – the master recycler


July 2013. 3am. I woke to the sound of the dog lapping at his own feces in his crate beside my bed. Possibly an upset tummy from the cat shit he ate during the day? Or the peanuts he ate yesterday morning? Or the piece of plastic? Anyway… He seemed content enough so I moved myself to the loungeroom and I have my fingers crossed that he eats it all and there is not too much to clean up in the morning … oh and he stood in it too. Ugh.

I did what any compassionate animal lover would do. I considered how messy it would be to clean up after the dog has stood in his own filth and I promptly removed my bedding from the room and set up my bed in the lounge. I then returned to the room with a second thought…and I opened the windows before bidding the poor dog goodnight. 

I once had a dream I was about to be trampled by a stampede of horses and I knew I couldn’t outrun them. So I curled into a ball and went to sleep and when I awoke (still dreaming) I was safe. I guess it doesn’t work when you have a coprophagic dog crated with his own feces. The problem not only didn’t disappear, it got nightmarishly worse! 

It turns out that when a dog has an upset stomach and then eats it again, it goes through the system more quickly the second time and in a liquid version more foul smelling than a “normal” unwell poo. 

That’s how I came to be in the supermarket at 6.30am in my runners with no socks, with a jacket thrown over to hide the no bra. I certainly hadn’t brushed my teeth yet in the house of stench, and I had to explain to the Romanian shop assistant why I need to buy rubber gloves and rice. 

I surprised myself by finding the dog super cute all day. He was so subdued and drowsy – I guess he didn’t get much sleep either. He was eating rice all day to settle his belly and in the evening became suddenly energised and playful. It was very cute. After i cleaned the crate out, the dog wandered into the crate, with interested looking ears – you know how they tilt their ears a little up and forwards when they are checking out something novel? It was as if he was impressed at how the cess-pool had transformed into a lovely bed again. You know I was cooking rice for him this morning before i even started cleaning up – that’s how my compassion was (and also the fact that i didn’t want to touch food after I had been cleaning shit so I better cook first!) Yeah maybe my compassion wasn’t much when I left him in his own filth but it just seemed far too challenging in my half sleep at 3am. It turns out his mega recycling efforts didn’t work out too well for me after all! 



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